It is one thing to have a dream, it is another to manage it!
This month I was blessed to meet a young couple who have an amazing story of big dreams that turned into a nightmare. (With the permission of the couple, I write this month's thought.) I saw their story via a news video. The husband had a dream to play in the National Basketball Association. That dream became a reality. He was drafted in the first round which brought him all he had dreamed about and more. He had the money, houses, cars, and was playing with the big name athletes of the NBA. He met a young lady, fell in love, and married her. The video was captivating as it showed his rise to the NBA. However, what stirred my spirit was when the reporter said that this young man and his wife had lost it all. Life became a series of challenges once he was injured. The challenges caused a strain in their marriage. I watched intently as his wife talked about having to separate from him despite loving him and having two wonderful sons to care for. I sat in my office with tears in my eyes as they showed how this young man became homeless. At 6'10", he ended up sleeping in his car. I had all kinds of questions that the video didn't answer for me...but my main question was how did this happen?

The news story said that they spent the money. BUT...this was a "lot" of money we were talking about! So, when I had the opportunity to meet this young man and his wife a couple of times, and felt comfortable enough, I asked the questions.

1) How did you lose your homes - didn't you pay cash for them?
The answer was no, we weren't thinking about that at the time.

2) Didn't you pay cash for your Corvette, Lexus,Mercedes, and Land Rovers?
The answer was the same as the first question.

3) How did you run out of money? Didn't you know how much was coming in and going out?
The answer was the agent managed the money and paid all the bills. So they never saw the bills.

Before you become self-righteous and claim you would know better and do better if this had been you with millions of dollars and a great career...stop to think about your own dreams and how you have managed them. Did you really know what it would take to make your dream a reality? If your dream became a reality, did you have any idea of how to keep the dream alive and growing? If you are honest, the answer will probably be no. When the couple and I were having a discussion about their journey, I kept thinking that most of us have dreams, but no one teaches us how to manage our dreams. (Even when some one tries to teach us, most of us don't listen because we think we are different or know it all.) We are taught to dream big dreams and work hard. If we become "successful", people around us seem to live in our success. Some people are jealous and talk about us. Some family members want to borrow money. Friends tell us what they think we should have and what we should do. Advisors think about their cut or commission to assist us in the areas that we don't have the expertise that they claim to have. We compete with our colleagues for newer, bigger and better. We learn quickly how to build the facade of "success". As we watch the dream transition into a nightmare, many of us have too much pride to say, "Hey, I don't know what I am doing!" or "HELP! I am drowning in this mess I have created!"

If I think about my own journey, it is not that different from this couple's. I had a dream to become a lawyer. I obtained that dream with 19 years of education (if I include my high school diploma). I stacked up over $125,000 in student loan debt. I spent my student loan money on clothes, trips and other foolishness. I had numerous credit cards which were all maxed out at one point. I didn't have any idea what a budget was, much less how to wisely manage the loan money I was receiving. Each financial aid disbursement was "pay day!" I wasn't worried about the money running out or how I would pay it back. Who cared about this thing called interest? I was going to make "lots" of money as an attorney so there wouldn't be a problem paying it back. When I graduated from law school with a job, I thought I had "arrived!"

I became an Assistant State Attorney making $28,000 before taxes. Ummmm, this wasn't the "lot" of money I had dreamed about! In fact, after taxes, rent, utilities, grocery, insurance and my car payment, I was broke. Over 5 years my salary doubled, but I continued to spend more as I made more, so what is the difference between my story and this couple's? The only difference is that I was doing the damage to myself. I can't blame my agent or advisors...because my agent was ME! I wasn't loaning money to family. I wasn't buying fancy houses or cars...but I was living above my means.

I have had many months over the course of my divorce and starting EHAP Inc. that I didn't know how I was going to pay the mortgage or the light bill. I had almost $1,000 in credit card debt a month and that was paying the minimum balance! I have prayed and cried my way through some dark times. Yet, I also had some amazing "experiences" that were dreams come true. I was traveling across the country. I was meeting interesting people. I wrote and published my first book.

At 22, before law school, I had the wedding I had always dreamed of! Long white gown, horse and carriage on the edge of a lake! Absolutely beautiful! Even after all these years, I can look back and say my dream became a reality. Too bad that after ten years the relationship ended in a nightmare. I am not embarrassed to share with you that I have ignored some areas of my life that needed much more of my attention. As I wrote in my first book, I paid a price for not balancing those areas. Sometimes I didn't know better. Sometimes I did and just chose not to DO better.

Boy, if I had known then what life has taught me over the past 15 years since I graduated...I would have managed my dreams much differently! I would have saved much more money. I would have balanced time between my career, community involvement and marriage in a wise manner. I would have read a lot more about business, money, relationships and autobiographies of successful people rather than novels. I would have learned how to manage my dream.

Did you know that if you make $25,000 a year...in 40 years you would have made a million dollars? If you make $50,000 a year, you have earned a million dollars in 20 years. $75,000 a year, you would have a million dollars pass through your hands in 13 years. And for those who make $100,000 a year...it only takes you 10 years to get your first million. You get the picture...most of us have the opportunity to EARN a million dollars in our life time. But if the money was the true definition of success, then why do the majority of lottery winners, professional athletes and celebrities end up broke despite having millions of dollars, huge homes and luxury cars?The answer is simple in my humble opinion...for the same reason most of us live from pay check to pay check. We don't manage our money.

If having a significant other is the true definition of happiness, then why is it that over 40% of married couples end up in divorce court? The divorce rate increases to 60% for those who marry a second time. And for third time marriages the divorce rate is 73%. The answer is again simple in my humble opinion...for the same reason most of us struggle in our relationships. We don't manage our relationships.

If having a family is so vital to us, then why are so many families dysfunctional. Half of us aren't speaking to our families while the other half are dodging family reunions. If friendships are so important then why do we have friends who treat us like crap, stab us in the back or drown us with negative energy? We don't manage who we surround ourselves with and how we interact with each other.

If having a career is so important (according to the college advertisements) then why are so many of us miserable going to work every day? Why are some of the most prestigious career positions considered to have the highest substance abusers or most depressed people? We don't manage our professional lives.

We are not taught how to manage our money, our relationships, careers and our lives. I am thankful that I have had a chance to meet this couple. As I asked them some tough questions. The answers made me look in my own mirror. We really aren't as different from each other as we might think! We all have dreams, that if we don't take the time and initiative to educate ourselves about the various facets of life, we end up with nightmares. We live from one high to the next high. We want the job, we get the job then we hate the job and the people on the job. We pray for a raise, get the raise, then spend the raise. We want a spouse, we get the spouse, then we want to choke the spouse. We try to have children, have the children, then want the children to skip the teenage years. We have the dream, work to make the dream a reality, then claim we have no idea how it turned into a nightmare.

This couple is using their nightmare to rebuild their life together. They inspire me! I asked the husband if he ever thought of giving up when he was homeless. He confidently said, "No, I knew my faith would get me through it." He told me that it was nice to have the material things, but what mattered most to him was his family. He and his wife have survived some rough times. For most of us, we can keep our sagas private. Their lives were spread throughout the press. Now they choose to share their story to let others know you can make it through the dark places. They have chosen to wake up from the nightmare. They are dreaming again and this time around they are learning how to manage their dream. I am taking notes! I am revisiting my dreams and my management of them.

As I heard Bishop T.D. Jakes say, "If you aren't careful, your gifts and talents will take you to a place where your character can't keep you." Anybody can have a dream...but can you manage it?

Copyright 2009 Veraunda Jackson- EHAP Inc.